Movie Review: Jupiter Ascending

  Hello all, and welcome to my review of Jupiter Ascending! 😀

  Starring: Mila Kunis (Jupiter Jones), Channing Tatum (Caine Wise), Sean Bean (Stinger Apini), Eddie Redmayne (Balem Abrasax), Douglas Booth (Titus Abrasax), Tuppence Middleton (Kalique Abrasax)

Plot (taken from IMDb):

“Jupiter Jones was born under a night sky, with signs predicting that she was destined for great things. Now grown, Jupiter dreams of the stars but wakes up to the cold reality of a job cleaning toilets and an endless run of bad breaks. Only when Caine, a genetically engineered ex-military hunter, arrives on Earth to track her down does Jupiter begin to glimpse the fate that has been waiting for her all along – her genetic signature marks her as next in line for an extraordinary inheritance that could alter the balance of the cosmos. Written by Production



Mila Kunis (Jupiter Jones) – She’s pretty tough, especially up against all the craziness surrounding her. Even when she’s afraid, she pushes through it. I also love that she follows her heart, even though it gets her into trouble a lot of times. 🙂

Channing Tatum (Caine Wise) – He’s the quiet badass hero type, all broody and aloof, lol. I love how loyal he is as the movie progresses, and the way he’s always looking out for Jupiter. I wish there was a little more about his past, however. I have some unanswered questions where that is concerned, but I love him anyway. 😀

Sean Bean (Stinger Apini) – An old comrade of Caine’s, who walks a fine line with his moral compass at times. Generally a good guy.

Eddie Redmayne (Balem Abrasax) – A wonderfully creeptastic villain. He’s definitely got some screws loose, and you can really, really tell. Along with how evil he is, his tone of voice and manner of speaking creeps me out big time. *shudder* Eddie Redmayne did a good job here.

Douglas Booth (Titus Abrasax) – Just as twisted as Balem, but his brand of crazy isn’t as readily apparent. He’s more sleazy and self-absorbed, even if he claims to have good intentions.

Tuppence Middleton (Kalique Abrasax) – Also just as twisted as Balem and Titus, but her brand of crazy is all about her vanity. She only cares about herself, and how to stay young and beautiful forever.

A scene from "Jupiter Ascending." (Warner Bros.)


I won’t lie. I was scared going into this.

I'm scared

After all, this is a Wochowski movie. And those of you who have been reading my reviews for a while know what that means… You know about the biggest movie that got inducted into my cussword hall of fame.

Around these parts, “Matrix 3” is like if the F-bomb married one of the big C-bombs and had some unspeakable monstrosity of a cussword baby.

But I had to watch this one. I saw romance and flashy action scenes in the trailer. Surely it couldn’t be a “festering [Matrix 3] of a [movie.]” (Lol, 100 points if you can name that quote I just mangled!) It was like a compulsion. I had to place my hopes in the hands of the Wochowski’s once again.

I think I watched the first 20-30 minutes of the movie through my fingers, like I would with a horror movie. It wasn’t until I was about an hour in that I allowed myself to consider that I  may have been wrong in my fears after all.

happy cats and dogs

Let me amend: I haz’d (past tense of “haz” I suppose) a *tentative* happee.

The more I let myself enjoy the movie, ignoring those looming premonitions of Matrix 3 level atrocities, the more into the characters and plot I was able to get.

So, after having watched it with a somewhat open mind, with moments of extreme pessimism mixed in – I can say I wholeheartedly disagree with all the critics that are saying this movie is crap.

To each their own, but I think this was a lot of fun. 😀 The plot was interesting, the characters were unique and likable, and the fights were exciting. The landscapes were really different and pretty too.


Jupiter and Caine had really good chemistry. I kind of feel like this movie is more of a romance first and sci-fi/fantasy second.

Caine and Jupiter wonder where they go from here

Which isn’t a bad thing at all in my book. 🙂

I love how they were constantly looking out for each other. Even though there were a lot of misunderstandings, it was obvious how they really felt.

The fights and action were well done, and the tech was all interesting and fun. I wish they’d done more with the flying motorcycle, but Caine’s weapons and fighting style made up for it. And also – all kinds of explosions! 😀

Although the fight scenes were good, they were a little shaky in spots. I think this is mainly because it all flew by so quickly that I missed some of what was going on.

Sometimes the air skating looked a little silly too, but these are flying people dammit. Flying. People.

"Jupiter Ascending"

We all know I’m able to suspend my disbelief for flying people for some reason.

Shaky or not, these scenes were still fun. 🙂

However, there were some unanswered questions at the end. What happened with the “industry?” Did it shut down? And why did Cain do what he did so long ago? Was it really just some defective gene? Will it happen again? And what about the other siblings?

There’s room for a sequel here, and I’m feeling scared again. O.o

But if all else fails, and they decide to make my brain hiss by screwing with my romance, I’ll just do what I do with the Matrix trilogy, and pretend only the first one exists.

La La La I'm Not Listening Pink

For now, however, there is only the first movie. This means the world won’t be experiencing a chocolate cake shortage any time soon.


My rating for Jupiter Ascending: Cash-Worthy – This is the kind of movie I love. Flashy, sparkly, impossible action scenes, romance, explosions, alien landscapes, cool magic/tech, and flying people. It would have gotten an Epic rating if it didn’t leave a few unanswered questions, leaving me to fear for the future of chocolate cake kind. The Wochowski’s have redeemed themselves in my eyes, and I will be buying this one. Check it out if you enjoy movies like The Fifth Element and Serenity, or romance and sci-fi/fantasy mixed together in general.


My Rating System:

Epic: This movie is so mind-bogglingly awesome that I may go see it twice. This one will have a place of honor on my shelf.

Cash-Worthy: Good stuff. This will most likely find a place on my shelf.

Not Bad: I liked it. I’m glad I saw it, and it may or may not end up on my shelf at some point. I would say rent it first to be safe.

Meh: Rent it first. You may love it or hate it, but I’m indifferent probably because it’s not my type of movie. I’m glad I saw it, but it won’t end up on my shelf.

Emergency Cake: I have an emotional reaction to movies sometimes, especially to tragedies. If a movie makes me sad or angry, sometimes it will stick with me for a while. At these times, only chocolate cake can save me. Chocolate cake makes everything better. No shelf for you. Ever.


23 thoughts on “Movie Review: Jupiter Ascending

  1. disperser says:

    ARGH . . . I lost a very clever comment I’ll not likely be able to recreate! Bummer!

    Anyway, this did look good, but whenever I see a lot of CGI I worry the plot has not been attended to.

    I’ll probably wait for this to come to one of my subscription services and watch it at home.

    . . . nope . . . lost the clever! Damn.

    • disperser says:

      . . . I’ve learned a lot of patience . . . I’m still waiting to see a number of movies from last year, and my life is not at all crappy.

      . . . how about that! We don’t need instant gratification, after all.

      • paigeaddams says:

        Lol, I’m a bit of a movie addict I think. There are certain movies I’ll run out to see immediately because I have *zero* patience. XD Jupiter Ascending was one of those, and so was Seventh Son, which I saw last night with my mom – *meh* – CGI vs plot, and CGI won. 😛

    • paigeaddams says:

      Lol, I hate it when that happens – it drives me crazy! And agreed – lots of CGI makes me twitchy. Plot should always be first, but I’ve seen some *really* craptastic movies that forget that for some reason. Let me know what you think if you do see it. 😀

  2. DogG6 says:

    Movie critics are cynical fuddlebiscuits. Yes, critic does mean someone who does give critiques, but movie critics… mmmm… XD

    Anyways excited to see it for the pew pew that has been displayed in all the trailers, as well as it looks like a cool premise.

    Thanks paige for the “lol-full” writing 😀

    • paigeaddams says:

      Thanks DogG6! 😀 I’m glad you liked it! I always have fun with movie reviews.

      Lmao – agreed, they can be total fuddlebiscuits! XD I think they should each write something about their movie biases so people know where they’re coming from. Somebody who loves horror and movies like The Devil’s Rejects is most likely going to hate something like About Time, and same goes from the opposite perspective. Lol, I rarely agree with critics, maybe because my own biases tend to lean the other way.

      It really is a cool premise. Even if some of the pew pew is a little shaky and fast, it doesn’t disappoint – not to mention, the aliens are really cool looking, especially the lizard peeps. I also heard there may be a series of books it’s based off of, so I’m thinking I’m going to have to make a trip to the bookstore, lol.

  3. abyssbrain says:

    Nice review. The movie looks interesting indeed. I would watch it if I got time…

  4. I watch a ton of movies so I love movie reviews! Fun stuff! I do plan on seeing this one as soon as I can get it!

  5. Reblogged this on HarsH ReaLiTy and commented:
    This blog does some fun movie reviews! Spoiler alert! You may want to see the movie first! -OM
    Note: Comments disabled here, please visit their blog.

  6. Capt Jill says:

    I liked your review. I saw the movie at the theatre last time I was home. I really enjoyed it. I thought the actors all did a good job. I loved the special effects and scenery. I thought the bees were really cool.
    Like you, I wondered about Caines past and what will happen now to the ‘industry’ and the space ;empire’. I bet they’ll have a sequel (or 2).

  7. I had already watch it.. I love the technology, but not really like the story.

  8. Great review! I’m new here, and really enjoyed your take on the film. OM said I had to come hear your account of the movie. Glad I did.

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