Movie Review: Seventh Son

  Hello all! Lol, I’ve been seeing *a lot* of movies lately. XD So here’s another review for you – Seventh Son! 😀

  Starring: Jeff Bridges (Master Gregory), Ben Barnes (Tom Ward), Julianne Moore (Mother Malkin), Alicia Vikander (Alice)

Plot (taken from IMDb):

“Young Thomas is apprenticed to the local Spook to learn to fight evil spirits. His first great challenge comes when the powerful Mother Malkin escapes her confinement while the Spook is away.”

Trailer:

Characters:

Jeff Bridges (Master Gregory) – I love this actor, and he plays the kind of character he’s especially good at here. Quirky and sarcastic and kind of badass. His lack of honesty drove me crazy though.

Ben Barnes (Tom Ward) – He did a good job of playing Master Gregory’s apprentice. There were moments where he was lacking in the common sense. And the caution. But I did like his character.

Julianne Moore (Mother Malkin) – I love this actress too, and she did a really good job of playing the villain here. I had some issues with her and her obsessions as well though.

Alicia Vikander (Alice) – I liked this character all right, but I’m not sure I really got her. She was also dangerously low on the common sense and caution. I did not understand certain decisions she made, but she was tough, and I liked her over all.

Review Rant:

*ugh*

You know what, Seventh Son? You’re lucky you’re pretty, and had a great cast.

This would have been right up there (down there?) in the dreaded Emergency Cake section with Dragon Wars and Sleeping Beauty otherwise.

*shudder*

You just had to go and sacrifice the plot for all the flashy, pretty.

Why??

I *LOVE* sparkly CGI and explosions, so if I’m saying this there is a really big problem.

Most of the major plot twists were just too easy.

As much as I loved the CGI, battle scenes, and the awesome secondary characters, everything else was just too convenient. It all just happened to fall into place in obvious ways.

They kind of took a Maleficent approach to the villain, only this one was more needy, and not nearly as badass partly because of that.

This is not Julianne Moore’s fault. I would watch her in a Broadway production of The Misadventures of a Curious Paper Bag (if such a thing existed). Same goes for Jeff Bridges.

I love them both. This is not their doing.

They did great with their roles, but she would have been much more terrifying if her character hadn’t still been a homicidal lovesick fool for a dude that locked her in a pit of despair for decades, and he would have been much cooler in general if he were more honest and didn’t have a shriveled up piece of driftwood for a heart through most of the movie.

Don’t get me wrong, this Fatal Attraction type thing between the two of them worked, but I would have liked to see another dimension to both of them. I feel like there was more there.

And, on that note, here’s how the main romance went down:

“Oh? So you’re a witch? Cool beans. Oh? As in one of the witches I’m supposed to hunt and kill?…. ‘Sup baybee?”

“Easy mode, activate! …Oh, it’s already activated? …Well shit, what do we do now? Let’s throw a CGI dragon in there to fill the void where the plot should have been!”

I has a disappoint.

Yeah. And certain people did not have to part ways at the end. It made zero sense, considering all that transpired before. Obviously nobody cares anymore, and if you’re the only one left, there’s no one to tell you not to do the thing that you so obviously want to do, and which hurts nobody to do.

*sigh*

Really, Seventh Son? Really??

You’re making me, of all people, complain about romance?

Really?

For your crimes you’ve earned a warning cupcake. You only have yourself to blame.

My rating for Seventh Son: Meh – *ugh* Soooo much wasted potential! Good actors and pretty CGI, but the plot had all kinds of issues (in my opinion). *double ugh* I’m glad I saw it, but I won’t be buying this one. It irked me too much by teasing me with hints of how good it could have been. Check this one out if you like moves like Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters or Season of the Witch, or pretty CGI fantasy in general.

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My Rating System:

Epic: This movie is so mind-bogglingly awesome that I may go see it twice. This one will have a place of honor on my shelf.

Cash-Worthy: Good stuff. This will most likely find a place on my shelf.

Not Bad: I liked it. I’m glad I saw it, and it may or may not end up on my shelf at some point. I would say rent it first to be safe.

Meh: Rent it first. You may love it or hate it, but I’m indifferent probably because it’s not my type of movie. I’m glad I saw it, but it won’t end up on my shelf.

Emergency Cake: I have an emotional reaction to movies sometimes, especially to tragedies. If a movie makes me sad or angry, sometimes it will stick with me for a while. At these times, only chocolate cake can save me. Chocolate cake makes everything better. No shelf for you. Ever.

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Artwork Credits:

I got the art from my greeting ~ here.

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